Added: I wrote this last January 23, 2013. Surprisingly, i had this feeling of loneliness early this year.
Have you ever been in a situation wherein you feel so alone, despite of being surrounded by people? Well I did! I’m the type of person who’s easily been misunderstood by my parents, friends,and my boyfriend. They judge every single thing I do, and the sad part is… I’m getting lonelier and lonelier each day.
First, my parents think I have the baddest attitude compare to all of my sisters. I do everything to be good at something that they will be proud of, but I think my best wasn’t good enough. I will always be cast aside by the shadows of my sisters. Being the middle child, its really hard for me to take my place in the family.
Second, my friends… I always thought that my friends are my sisters with different parents. My best friend is getting married and I feel that everything will be change forever. No more hanging out, no more silly jokes, no more friends that you can hang out with when I’m alone because she will have a new life to prioritize.
Lastly by my boyfriend, I miss him so much! He’s my neighbor but despite of living so closely with each other. We didn’t see as much as other boyfriend and girlfriend. He didn’t hold my hand in public unless I insist. He gets angry whenever I ask some time from him. Yesterday we went out on a date, but i feel so distant from him. As if, he just want our date to get it over with.
My heart is swelling up right now. My tears are falling down every time I sense that nobody wants me, I’m trying so hard… all i want is someone to love and appreciate me despite of my short comings. All I have is a tiny bit of hope that someday they will love me for who I am.
Added this September 7,2013: Last July 5 my boyfriend broke up with me for some strange reason that he cannot explain. He broke up with me via text and phone call, he didn’t have the decency to tell it straight to my face. Then recently i found out that he has been seeing/dating this girl while still in a relationship with me. But up until now he’s still denying that he cheated on me. Anyways, it’s in the past now. I thinks its for the best, I don’t need a guy who doesn’t have the guts to face life as it is without constructing lie after lie.
For my best friend, I’m happy for her… For real… =)
For my parents, i take back whatever things i complained about. Because in times of needs they are the one who’s there to help me back on track. And I love them for that!
I might tell the whole story on my next post. (As if anyone cares?!) hehehe